[As told by longtime Keeferman associate The Boogeyman.]
“It was me and Griff (a.k.a. Alphadog) and Keeferman. It was one of those reckless summers before going back to school. It was a hot and muggy night... We practically owned that booth at the local diner. The three of us were everpresent, wasting our last remaining evenings of freedom in a mindnumbing ritual of french fries, Coca Cola, and idle speculation. What else do you do when you’re counting down the days to university and the beginning of the end of your irresponsible youth? Sure, we had summer jobs. What do you do with the other 8 hours in a day? There’s no going back to the joke that was high school (a good night’s sleep, schoolwork, petty socializing) and we didn’t yet have a solid understanding of what to expect at college. All we had was hanging out. Waiting. Anyway, every once in a while one of us would have a dumb idea. This night it was someone’s idea that we go to a movie. –Not just any movie though. We had to go to the premiere of a peculiarly titled movie that seemed to represent the right mixture of personal angst that we were each feeling at that point in our lives. We had to go to HELL HIGH.
I won’t bore you with the cinematic details. It was a story about a teacher-on-the-edge who’s provoked by an unruly group of students who stage a home-invasion. She’s terrorized and hazed and groped –and when she recovers from her initial shock, she suddenly gets medieval on them. The most entertaining part of the movie though was the loudmouthed gentleman sitting behind us. His distractions started with a late arrival that’d apparently been caused by some traffic. His descriptions were muddled by an enunciation similar to that of the character Mushmouth from the Fat Albert cartoons. “Derewasaficahcollision!” Initially though, I had no idea what he was saying. “Ficahcollisionwiddaseeeeementmixer.!” Eventually we were able to figure it out. Maybe you’re reading it now with a sharper comprehension than we were hearing it then, but eventually we did figure it out ourselves. There was a five car collision. With a cement mixer. And we heard alllllll about it through the whole daggin' movie. That wasn’t the worst part though. The worst part was his real-time narration of what was happening on-screen. Every scene, every action, every line..."